Fifteen years ago today on March 4, 2008, the first of my four older brothers died. By his own hand. He left behind questions with no answers as I struggled to fight my guilt. But I kept marching forth once I pulled myself off the floor and stopped screaming. I wrote about it several years ago after Robin Williams killed himself. (Click here to read “Oh Captain, My Captain“).
I managed to forgive myself remembering what a wise woman once told me. “The rational mind cannot make sense of an irrational mind.” I find comfort in the words. The irrationality may only last a short time, but unfortunately, in that window of inopportunity too many folks make irrational choices that end in harm.
The living are left to handle the rest. We found that out again recently when my husband’s brother took his own life. His son, his siblings, his friends are now left with dealing with the debris left after an unexpected death. Facing the material clean up is one thing, but the emotional aftermath takes time. I’ve repeated the above quote dozens of times in the past two months since his death as the family grapples with what more they could have done to prevent his death.
I woke this morning remembering it was March 4 or as I see it, “March Forth.” The best we can do is go forward and live a life filled with love, kindness, and gratitude. Sounds like a cliché, but it’s true. The alternative does not work.
Tonight will find us being serenaded by Willie Nelson at a concert here in Tallahassee. With Willy singing about the open road and loving and losing and finding solace in the good things in life, we plan to march forth with gusto.
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